My triggers are different, my first panic attack happened on a plane flight back from my brother’s wedding in Winnipeg, Canada. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like the world was closing in around me. It wasn’t that I was afraid of crashing, it was that I hated not seeing where we were going, not having control. So after you have one panic attack it starts a “vicious cycle” that’s because every time you get a little anxious you start to think about the last panic attack. So then you have another one, and you remember the previous panic attack and on and on……
So I went and got it checked out. The psychologist diagnosed me with (PAD) Panic/Anxiety Disorder. No shit. Obviously I had a panic disorder, but I was surprised to learn how common it is.
Nowadays when I have a panic attack it reminds me of the scene from Steven Spielberg's “Empire of the Sun” when the doctor yells at Christian Bale’s character Jim and says “Try not to think so much, Jim, try not to think so much.” My whole body feels buzzy, but not in a good way, I get so that I feel like I can’t take in a big enough breath. I feel sweaty and my heart races, it lasts for a period of about 10 minutes where I might die or go crazy or both. The strange thing, or maybe it’s not so strange, I don’t know enough about it. Is that I feel anxious for the rest of the day. Most of my panic attacks either happen when I wake up in the morning or sometimes I wake up in the midst of one in the middle of the night.
So that’s where I am today, in a ball of anxiety. 02/15/2014